The Sakuma Diaries
by MissesLadyLuck
Summary: We all see Ryuichi as a very happy thirty year old singer. But what do we really know about him? And why does he really have Kumagaro? R&R Yaoi TatxRyu Don't like? Don't read! Summary sucks! FINALLY UPDATED! chap 3!
1. Tourniquet: My Self Rightious Suicide

**The Sakuma Diaries**

**_summary: We all see Ryuichi as a very happy thirty year old singer. But what do we really know about him? And why does he really have Kumagaro? R&R Yaoi TatxRyu! Don't like? Don't read! Summary sucks!_  
**

**Rated: (PG-13) T for Teen for suicidal acts and thoughts. Be warned..._terrible _things happen in this story..._terrible..._  
**

_**MissesLadyLuck**_: _Ok, I think I'll be able to keep up with all these stories. Here's some news:_

_**The Forbidden Angel**: I may discontinue it and write a sequel. I don't like how it's going so far  
**Ainu No Shinzo**: Defenitely going to continue, just have writer's block.  
**Dover'Sya Mne**: Going to continue up to three chapters; maybe more if anyone'll review.  
**Zatch Bell, Meet Dash Crown**: I'm going to redo the whole thing. Start out better. (Other words, delete it.)_

_Also, I may give tips on future fanfic stories, so pay attention!  
_

_**'Kumagaro "talking**_"

_'Ryuichi thinking'_

_**'Ryuichi's suicidal thoughts'**_

_"Lyrics"_

_

* * *

  
**That's it. So, hope you like this! My first Suicide attempted fanfic!  
**_

_ **Enjoy!**_

* * *

**_Chapter 1: Tourniquet: My Self-Rightious Suicide _**

**_?POV:_**

I sighed as I slowly slunk to the floor in my beautiful penthouse; 54th floor, great view. _Usually_ nice and peaceful, too. Still would be, as long as you managed to ignore the sound of my screaming fans, male and female alike, pounding on my door. **"WE LOVE YOU _RYUICHI_! OPEN UP! _PLEASE_!" **I hugged my little stuffed bunny/bear _**(A/n: ok, if anyone knows whether Kumagaro is a bunny or bear, let me know. I hear a lot of people saying he's a bear, though he looks like a bunny to me), **_Kumagaro, so that we were forehead to forehead.

I shuddered at the feeling of fists banging against my newly installed, and imported, (compliments of Tohma-san) door.**_(A/N: he's infront of it!) _**_'Why must they always be so violent and straight-forward?' _I thought. I buried my head deep into Kuma-san's pudgy little belly, (He did eat extra pudding!) and tried to block them all out. The screaming, the banging, the touching, grasping, _groping_... _**shudder. **_

_'Please, make them stop. Stop...please...I...can't...' _I feel like I'm going to cry. Too late, I am crying. I can feel the salty wet tears running down my cheeks; why must they hurt so much? I open my eyes slowly as my tears are dried. It's Kumagaro, smiling at me. _**'Don't be sad. I'm here for you, aren't I? I'll protect you from those meanies!' **_I smile at his bravery and hug him tighter. For what seems like half an hour, the banging goes on and on; until, finally, I can hear them walking away.

I should be happy, they're all gone now; but I feel so empty. I can't even hear Kumagaro's voice anymore...

_'Wait..._' I look down at him. _'What am I doing_...' **_'I am a fool.'_** _'Why do even carry this stupid little thing around?' _I throw said stupid little thing and he, no, **'it'**, hits a lamp, knocking it over. Kumagaro just stares at me with those little black eyes, empty. So dark and empty; cold, just like me...I'm lost...concealed. It's sealing me...'_**like an imperfect little package**_

I can hear him..._**'Ryuichi...why? Please, you know you can tell me. You can always tell me...' **_"Shut up! You're not real! So just, **SHUT UP**!" I close my eyes and plug my ears; rocking myself back and forthe on the floor. The tears like waterfalls now...cascading down my face. Slowly, I open my eyes and look at Kumagaro. He stares right back. I cautiously take my hands off my ears. I hear nothing but my own ragged breathing.

I want to escape. I need release so badly from this internal prison called life.

**_'There has to be a cure. There's always a cure.'_**

Then, like a magnificent light in the darkness, there _it _is. My truth, my salvation, my _saviour_. I slowly walk towards the cutter knife I'd been using to cut carrots with earlier.

**_'I knew there was a cure. There's always a cure for a horrible disease.'_**

I run my finger tip to the very edge of the sharp blade, my _ugly _reflection stares back. I glare at myself, my reflection. I hate who I am. I can not be; therefore I will not be. I want to cut my hand, throat, stomach, face...

_**'Bleed myself dry...I'm nothing...nothing...'**_

The more I remember, the more I hate. Me, my past, my family, my _life. _I laugh. _'Wait, it's not life...it's hell on earth.' _I laugh more and more. It's not even that funny. But all I can do is laugh. _Laugh..._boy, I am pathetic. I'm about to kill myself, and I laugh. _God, _how the hell could I not have seen this? How ironic. Just like my life...ironic.

_**'Do it. Know one will miss you...'**_

_"I tried to kill the pain  
But only brought more (so much more)_"

_**'I'm a disease...the knife is the cure. Let me rid everyone of the disease that is Ryuichi Sakuma...'**_

I do it. I cut myself, I don't know how many times...But once I started, I couldn't stop. Every slash, every cut, every gash; pure bliss on my skin. Like soft, silky bits of cloud rubbing against me...So wonderful. I keep going until I can go no more. I fall, in slow motion, to the floor, and I lie there in a pool of my own blood. Smiling like a madman. At least I think I am. My face feels so numb...It's the best feeling...Numbness...why didn't I think of this before?

_"I lay dying, and I am pouring crimson regret and betrayal  
I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming"_

Suddenly, for some reason unbeknownst to me that time, I start to cry. The pain shoots through my spine; my back arches as it creeps through my skin. I'm so cold...but I'm no longer numb...It hurts...everything hurts... I need someone to...save me...

_"Am I too lost to be saved?  
Am I too lost? "_

Where's my guardian angel? Who will be my tourniquet?

_"My God, my tourniquet, return to me salvation  
My God, my tourniquet, return to me salvation" _

Someone help...please...don't let me suffer any longer. Do not allow my tortured soul one more minute in this tragic hell...

_"(I want to die)"_

Then...I hear it...Footsteps, and they're heading towards my door. Please, oh please God, please...Do not let it be...

_"My God, my tourniquet, return to me salvation  
My God, my tourniquet, return to me salvation"_

It's _him. _I don't remember his name...but I know who he is. Eiri-chan's little brother..._Tatsuya_? _Tatsuki_? _Tat..._What does it matter...? He probably won't miss me either...One less person to shed tears on my grave. That's just fine...

_"My wounds cry for the grave  
My soul cries for deliverance"_

He shyly peeks his head in through the door. _'Are those roses behind his back...for me?' _"Sakuma-_sama_, I just wanted to give you these flowers and ask you-**OH MY GOD! **Sakuma-_sama_! What the hell are you doing!" He ran over, easily pulling the knife from my hands...The overhead light behind him, oddly enough, it makes him look like..._'My guardian angel...?' _He looks, concerned? But...why would anyone care if I died? Oh, I forgot, he's one of my 'biggest fans'...**_'How come I'm not dead yet?'_**

_"Will I be denied?"_

There are tears in his eyes as he rubs the sides of my face with his hands._ 'Why does he care so much?' _

_"Christ, tourniquet"_

"D-don't worry, Sakuma-sama..." His voice is shaking. _'Is he trying to convince me or himself?' _"I'm g-going to take you to the h-h-hospital; and everything will be alright ok? N-no w-worries...!" He then picked me up, bridal style, and began running out the door, practically flying down the stairways. _'How old is he again? Seventeen?' _My vision started to fade...Eiri's brother's face was starting to fade. The last thing I thought was..._'He looks beautiful when he's worried...'_ Then, I closed my eyes for the last time...

_"My suicide"_

**End Chapter 1**

**_MissesLadyLuck: _**_well what do you think? Should I hide away and never attempt TatxRyuichi...or...should I continue...depends, well later! Checkout my other stories, too!_

_**Chapter 1 Song: "Tourniquet" by Evanescence**  
_


	2. Hospitalized, What!

**The Sakuma Diaries**

_**summary: We all see Ryuichi as a very happy thirty year singer. But what do we really know about him? And why does he really have Kumagaro? R&R Yaoi Don't like? Don't read!**_

_**Disclaimer: **I do NOT own Gravitation nor it's sexy characters!**  
**_

_**MissesLadyLuck**_ _Ok, I think I'll be able to keep up with all these stories._

_Here's some news:_

_**The Forbidden Angel:** __I am going to discontinue and write a sequel. I don't like how it's going so far  
**Ainu No Shinzo:**__ Defenitely going to continue, just have writer's block. I may even rrepost it as a yaoi...maybe!_

_

* * *

**'Kumagaro "talking**_"

_'Ryuichi thinking'_

_**'Ryuichi's suicidal thoughts'**_

_"Lyrics"_

_/Quick Flash/_

_Flashback_

_**Dreaming**  
_

_

* * *

__**That's it. So, hope you like this!**_

_**Enjoy!**_

_**

* * *

Chapter 2: Hospitalized**_**_; What's Going On!_**

**Ryuichi POV**

_'Where...am I?' _ I open my eyes, only to instantly regret it. _'The lights are way too bright in these hospitals...Wait hospital?' _I can't really remember what happened, or how I got here. Ok, I'm seriously freaked out! What's going on! _Matte, matte_...ok, I'm just going to get up slowly and ..."Ow!"_ 'Jeez! That hurt, what the-? My hands!_' Suddenly, memories start pouring back: I was running away from a bunch of rabid fans after a concert...I went into my apartment and sat there with Kumagaro for a while...I slit my wrists and sank to the floor-

"..." T-that's right! I slit my wrists! And not just them, I cut myself everywhere! I was bleeding all over!

...But...then how am I alive...? Only two words can come to mind. "Tatsuha-kun..."

Hey, I actually remembered his na- Tatsuha-kun! But-wait-_he _carried me to the hospital!

I can remember...him...his face...when he came in the door_... /"Sakuma-__sama, I just wanted to give you these flowers and ask you-**OH MY GOD! **Sakuma-__sama! What the hell are you doing!"/_

Why did he look at me like that? His face was so full of..._'Love...care...for me?' _No. I won't think that! Not again...Last time, I only let myself down. There I go...how do the Americans say it? Actin' a fool..._**everyone's fool**_...

_"Perfect by nature  
Icons of self indulgence"_

But oh...OH how I would love to think that...No! Stop it! I won't let my heart be misled and broken! Not again...He's just a fanboy anyway...But still..._/There are tears in his eyes as he rubs the sides of my face with his hands.__ 'Why does he care so much?'_/

_"Just what we all need  
More lies about a world that  
Never was and never will be "_

I remember when I had my last boyfriend...in highschool. He was gorgeous. A varsity football player from America! Transfered student, obviously. Anyway...him and I were together for quite sometime. It was so perfect until...Never mind, I don't want to talk about it. Great...now I'm depressed even more. He only ever thought about what would be good for him...I fell in love with him...only to have my heart broken..He just didn't have time for me; except when it was time for a _screw_. So...I stayed out of relationships until Tohma. And even he...no..._/"D-don't worry, Sakuma-sama..."/_

_"Have you no shame don't you see me "_

Tears are brimming my eyes, so I reach up to wipe them away but-"Ouch!" My face, it's covered in bandages from all the cuts. Geez, I can't rub too hard...Hehehe...Imagine if all of my fans could see me now. In bandages. They'll never believe it...unless, oh crap! The press. If it goes out in the news that I tried to commit suicide...Oh no! _/"everything will be alright, ok?"/_

_"You know you've got everybody fooled _"

_'I've got to get Tohma to stop this!_' So, I get up quickly, ignoring the great jolt of pain in my stomach, which was a stupid thing to do, because I fell over. Groaning slightly, I try to pick myself back up...only to discover that the great jolt of pain in my stomach had been a rather large gash reopening. So now, I'm bleeding all over the floor, in a dog's position, head down and, oh great, I'm going to cry..._again!_

_'My fans, what would they think...what would they say...to see the godlike, handsome Ryuichi on the floor? Bleeding.' _That just proves that when you're a famous singer...no one knows the real you. They just see someone famous and beautiful and spreading this beauty through words of song...that's what I see in their eyes.

_"Look here he comes now  
Bow down and stare in wonder_"

Idolism is supposed to be perfection. They look at you. Judge you. Lust you...

_"Oh how we love you" _

I wish it were that simple. But that's life. A good kick in the ass! And that's why I can't start liking him...that Tatsuha boy! _/"No worries..."/_

_"No flaws when you're pretending  
But now I know he  
Never was and never will be"_

Speaking of which, I must have been crying pretty pitifully now, because I heard a voice...a heavenly voice. But it wasn't saying something that you'd expect an angel to say. "_**Snort **_Oi! Whoever you are...this is Ryuichi Sakuma's room! So shut it or I'll...!"

He stared at me for a second...before snapping into action.

**End Ryuichi POV Start Tatsuha POV!**

_** Ryuichi and I are sitting under a sakura tree, its petals and flowers are falling slowly...as if enchanted. The field is beautiful, and the grass is greener then any I've ever expected in Tokyo...And things are PERFECT: We have an excellent view of the water, the sun is setting, making the sky a gorgeous plum pink and the clouds a lovely lilac...But best of all, the great Sakuma-sama is sitting-in-my-lap! Exscuse me while I faint like a highschool girl! He's turned so that he's laying his head on my chest, curled up catlike on my thighs with our fingers interlinked, his beautiful hair, which always smells like strawberries and cream in my dreams, is tickling my upper lip under my nose. Slowly, enchantingly, he lifts his dazzling sapphire eyes to meet mine. There's a blaze of passion in those eyes, like when he's singing...only softer...The look he only saves for me. We lean forward...he's so close, I could count every perfectly curved eyelash on his eyelids... **_

**THUMP!** There goes my wonderful dream!

I groggily open my eyes and lift my head up from my arms on a chair near the window...A little bit away from Sakuma-sama's bed. _'If it's one of those damn crazy nurse fans again coming in here to "check" on MY Ryuichi...they'd better run!_' They just interupted a dream that could have had me masturbating and moaning Ryuichi's perfect name for weeks! So, snorting slightly in anger, I turned to yell at the nurse, who sounded like she was crying, though I'd cry too if I knew I'd woken me up from a lust-filled dream..._Matte_..oh well, anywho!

I turned around and started to yell, "Oi! Whoever you are...this is Ryuichi Sakuma's room! So shut it or I'll...!"

I'm so shocked right now...One: The person crying on the floor is not a nurse...nor a female...two: It's really Ryuichi...Three: He's bleeding! Kneeling on the floor there...looking so helpless, scared...beautiful. I can't stop it...The vulgar thought of Ryuichi in a night gown, which kinda appeals to me like a dress...bleeding so beautiful with his head bowed...the overhead light shining on the newly mopped floor, reflecting the light like a ray of sunshine on the center of my affections.

God...so help me...I will not molest Ryuichi!...Not _now _anyway. He needs my help! And I doubt molesting will do much.

So, I immeadiately run over.

**End Tatsuha POV Start Normal POV**

Tatsuha was over at Ryuichi's side in no seconds flat. "Oh, Sakuma-san, do you need help? _Matte_, of course you do! Wrap your arm around my neck, I'll get your waist and...here we go!"

Tatsuha managed to help a limping Ryuichi over to his bed, where he laid him down before sitting up and tucking Ryuichi's pillow softly under his head. "There, now just lie there Sakuma-san, I'll call a nurse!" Tatsuha went over to the side of the bed, preeing the red button that was there.

"Ok, one should be on her way. Until then, let my slow the bleeding down."

Tatsuha went into the bathroom before coming out a few seconds later, an emergency hospital sponge and bowl of water in tow.

He mopped up Ryuichi's wounds before the nurse came, insisting on cleaning and wrapping the wounds herself. However, though the nurse started asking Ryuichi small questions, Ryuichi nodding or shaking his head slightly for each, his tired eyes were locked with Tatsuha's, and Tatsuha did his best to make himself look taller and more manly. Irritatingly eyeing the nurse the whole time..._'Bet you're enjoying that, eh bitch?' _

But in between his jealous thoughts and Ryuichi's closing eyes, Tatsuha new that he'd made some sort of small connection in Ryuichi's mind. He'd just have to keep it growing and tenderize it until it was ready to be brought out.

That was fine by him.

_"You don't know how you've betrayed me  
And somehow you've got everybody fooled_

Without the mask where will you hide  
Can't find yourself lost in your lie

I know the truth now  
I know who you are  
And I don't love you anymore

It never was and never will be  
You're not real and you can't save me  
Somehow now you're everybody's fool "

**End Chapter 2**

**_MissesLadyLuck: _**_kinda short, kinda long, ne? anyway, review and read and stuff!_

_matte- wait_

_Bai-bai!_

_**Chapter song- Everyone's Fool by Evanescence** _**  
**


	3. Stumbling Upon

**The Sakuma Diaries**

_**summary: We all see Ryuichi as a very happy thirty year singer. But what do we really know about him? And why does he really have Kumagaro? R&R Yaoi Don't like? Don't read!**_

_**Disclaimer: **I do NOT own Gravitation nor it's sexy characters!**  
**_

_

* * *

**'Kumagaro "talking**_"

_'thinking'_

_**'Ryuichi's suicidal thoughts'**_

_"Lyrics"_

_/Quick Flash/_

_Flashback_

_**Dreaming**_

"talking"

**"phone talking"** (person on other end)

**>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> later**

_xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx elsewhere_

_

* * *

__**That's it. So, hope you like this!**_

_**Enjoy!**_

_**

* * *

Chapter 3: Stumbling Upon...  
**_

/He mopped up Ryuichi's wounds before the nurse came, insisting on cleaning and wrapping the wounds herself. However, though the nurse started asking Ryuichi small questions, Ryuichi nodding or shaking his head slightly for each, his tired eyes were locked with Tatsuha's, and Tatsuha did his best to make himself look taller and more manly. Irritatingly eyeing the nurse the whole time...'Bet you're enjoying that, eh bitch?'

But in between his jealous thoughts and Ryuichi's closing eyes, Tatsuha new that he'd made some sort of small connection in Ryuichi's mind. He'd just have to keep it growing and tenderize it until it was ready to be brought out.

That was fine by him./

Tatsuha yawned for the upteenth time that day.

After Ryuichi's wounds had reopened, Tatsuha was immediately shoed from the room, without a thank you or anything! And since Ryuichi was under physical, mental, and emotional pressure, or so the doctors and nurses had said, no one could see him right now. Tatsuha pulled out his cellphone once more and began searching numbers. He just couldn't stand sitting there all day alone.

Finding the number he wanted, he pressed 'select' and the number instantly dialed.

It was Yuki, his older brother's, number; but Tatsuha didn't want to speak with that grump. He wanted Shuichi Shindou, the Ryuichi look-and-act-alike lead singer of Bad Luck.

_'Shindou-kun won't give me any crap, unlike Mika and Yuki'_,Tatsuha thought

A few seconds after the phone began ringing, a monotone, deep voice spoke: **"Moshi moshi, Eiri Yuki here. Who's calling?"** Tatsuha mentally growled. _'Of all the people to pick up the phone...Shindou-kun's probably asleep!' _"Hello, aniki..." Tatsuha said blandly.

There was a pause as Tatsuha waited for Yuki to respond.

**"...Tatsuha..._where the hell_ are you? What have you been doing?"**

Tatsuha rolled his eyes. He had expected Yuki to respond like this, which is why he wanted Shuichi to pick up. "Look, aniki, can I speak to Shindou-kun...Shuichi?" Tatsuha heard an exhaling of air and knew his brother had lit a cigarette.

**"The brat? He's taking a shower...has to get ready for one of his worthless concerts..."**

Tatsuha heard Shuichi's protesting voice from a distance, so he assumed Shuichi had just gotten out of the shower in time to hear Yuki's regular, insulting statements.

"Hai, well get him on the phone, aniki. I know he's out of the shower now."

**"...Why should I? It's been a week little brother...A week where you've been too busy making Ryuichi 'gifts', and planning stupid lovesick themes and all of that crap...and now you're telling _me _what to do? You've got some balls Tatsuha-baka."**

Tatsuha growled loud enough for Yuki to hear. "Hai, well...y-you are the baka, Yuki-baka!" But all Yuki responded with was another exhale; Tatsuha could almost smell the whispy smoke coming out of his brother's mouth. _'Probably thinks I'm an immature bakayaro...' _Tatsuha thought scathingly.

**"Tatsuha, you are an immature bakayaro..."**

_'Thought as much...' _Tatsuha thought grimly. _'Time to change strategies...the puppy dog talk...'_

"Aniki...onegai...it's urgent..." Tatsuha heard his brother sigh...in defeat. **"Fine...but two minutes only, then you are telling me what you've been doing and what's so urgent, got it?"** It was a demand. It was always a demand from Yuki. But Tatsuha was happy enough that Yuki had even listened to him. **"Tatsuha...!" **Tatsuha nodded, but then remembered that Yuki couldn't see the gester and quickly responded, "Hai, hai, two minutes is more than I need, just let me talk to Shindou-kun, aniki!"

A few seconds later...

**"Hai, moshi-moshi, Shuichi Shindou here!"** Tatsuha had never been so relieved to hear the pink-haired singer's voice...well besides _other_ times.

"Shindou-kun, thank goodness! You need to come to the Tokyo Wings Hospital(1) right away! Ryuichi...had an _accident_." Tatsuha pulled the phone five inches away from his ear just in time as Shuichi did the expectant Shuichi reaction to a crisis: **"NANI? IS HE OK? OH TELL ME SAKUMA-SAMA IS OK!WHAT HAPPENED? ARE YOU WITH HIM? LET ME TALK TO SAKUMA-SAMA! ONEGAI, ONEGAI LET ME TALK TO SAKUMA-SAMA! WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" **Tatsuha's face turned into the chibi mode and he blinked twice as he heard Shuichi sobbing like mad.

Shuichi sobs became background sounds when Yuki came back on the phone, **"What the hell did you say to him? The brat is crying all over my bed sheets!" **

Yuki made it sound like he cared more for the sheets than Shuichi, but Tatsuha knew that his aniki loved Shuichi A LOT, his past just kept him from saying it openly. This was Yuki's way of dealing with it. **"Tatsuha-baka, if you want to live past your nineteenth birthday(2), I suggest you start explaining-!" **"-Come to Tokyo Wings Hospital, both you and Shuichi, I'll explain then! Sayonara." With that, Tatsuha hung up the phone just as Yuki started- **"Tatsuha-baka, if you hang up that phone-!" -**CLICK.

Tatsuha knew he would pay for that, but it was good for Ryuichi as well as Shuichi.

He did feel bad for the fact that Shuichi would most likely miss his big concert...There was going to be a riot, Tatsuha was sure of it.

_'But Ryuichi will be really happy to see Shindou-kun; I did the right thing.' _Tatsuha left to go to the waiting lounge to meet Yuki and Shuichi. he never once thought to call his brother-in-law, Tohma.

**>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>**

Tatsuha was just heading towards the stairwell, when he realised: "Shit! I have to piss and...shit!" He ran down the hallway, into a nurse. Both collided and fell on contact. "Sir," the nurse groaned, rubbing her forhead, "You...aren't supposed to be running down the halls. Can I help you?...Itai, itai...!" Tatsuha got up, helping the nurse up as well. "Hai, gomen-nasai about that, but well..." The nurse raised an eyebrow. "Hai...?" Tatsuha leaned closer and whispered, "It's time to let Shamoo and the tank water back into the ocean(3)...if you catch my drift..."

The nurse did one of those free fall movements **(A/N: ya kno, when they fall to the floor all of a sudden) **and a large sweat drop went down the side of her head. "That way...to the left on the next hallway..."

"ARIGATO," Tatsuha yelled as he made his way down the white corridor.

**>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> **

After Tatsuha had...done his business, he began walking down the corridor once more to see Shuichi and Yuki. He was fast-walking because the hospital didn't have any air scent sprays...And he had left a large stink...

A few seconds later when someone else went into the bathroom proved that: "HOLY KAMI! EGH! PEW! WHAT'S THAT KAMI AWFUL SMELL? HOLY-**gag. **Tatsuha picked up the pace to an almost jogging stance, then finally broke into an all-out run when a man said, "'scuse me, sir-?" "It wasn't me!" Tatsuha yelled in the poor man's face. "I, um, just wanted to know where the lounge was..." Tatsuha was long gone. He had been running once more, dodging everyone in his path...except an old door.

******BAM/CRASH!**

Tatsuha had pushed the door open by the sheer force and verocity that he had been running...and the door had been locked!

Tatsuha lifted his head from a box that had broken his fall...which was full of dirty patients hospital robes!

Tatsuha "bleghed" and pushed himself backwards, away from the box...into a large filing cabinet. Yelling (the door was shut), he kicked at the filing cabinet, which only hurt his foot like hell.

With his final kick, however, one of the filing drawers fell out, exposing millions of papers and small notebooks under the "S" section.

Tatsuha did a double take when he saw one of the names inscribed on an old, black and white composition book.

On it was written in different colered crayons: **Ryu-chans Diary, NO PEEKIN!** Tatsuha could have laughed at the style of the book, if it hadn't been for the name. Ryu-chan...there were probably plenty of Ryuichi's and Ryu-chans, but Tatsuha had a gut feeling it was Ryuichi SAKUMA's diary.

Tatsuha opened the book, and sure enough in a doctor's hand-writing on the side:

******Composition Diary Number 1**

******Patient: Sakuma, Ryuichi**

******Age: 6-7 years**

******Diagnosed with: CDS (Child Depression Syndrome**(4)

"Child's Depression Syndrome," Tatsuha muttered. But he kept reading. ******  
**

****** Family issues: Parents fighting, deliquent brother, alcholic father, chain smoking mother**

"Sakuma-sama has a brother? His parents...are drug abusers?" Tatsuha shook his head.

******Self Issues: low-self esteem, mild depression, daily nightmares, bad eduacation, often left out at school**

Tatsuha frowned, but kept reading.******  
**

******Year: 1982-1983**

Tatsuha did a double take. Thinking over his math he thought: _'Sakuma-sama said he's about thirty years old...but it's two-thousand-six minus thirty plus six, equals...nineteen-eighty-two!...Then...Ryuichi isn't thirty...he's twenty-five! HOLY KAMI! Why would he make himself older?'_

Tatsuha just couldn't believe it...what was going on?

Then, Tatsuha saw the page on the left of the doctor's notes:**Diary Report 1: 1/5/82**

He read on, and was shocked at what he found...

**__****DunDunDun!**

**_xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_**

Yuki banged his hands on the sign-in desk, where the nurse at the head was cowering. "Where the hell is Ryuichi Sakuma," Yukigrowled more than yelled. Shuichi was behind him, sniffling pitifully.

"G-gomen nasai, s-sir...But I can only let family in...!" Yuki bared his teeth and the nurse scuttled back more, as though hoping to melt into the wall. Tohma was there as well, along with Hiro, K, Mika, and Seguchi. Shuichi had called them, in tears, immediately upon Tatsuha's phone call.

Tohma went up to the frightened nurse, softly pushing Yuki aside. "We're the only family he really has." He explained. The nurse nodded, though she was really frightened of Yuki. "Room 231, take the elevator."

As they walked, Tohma angrily scanned a newspaper article about Ryuichi's cutting. He balled up the paper in his hands.

_'Why didn't Tatsuha call me immediately?' _Was Tohma's one big thought. While in the elevator, Tohma said to Yuki and Mika, "I'll kill that fanboy brother of yours, Mika, Yuki."

Mika's glare towards the elevator doors intensified, but Yuki answered for the both of them: "Not if I do, first."

**END CHAPTER 3**

**

* * *

MissesLadyLuck: **It's short but, well, I FINALLY updated! I'm sick today, so, yeah

(1) They're in Tokyo and no, Tokyo Wings Hospital isn't real, I don't think.

(2) In this, Tatsuha is currently seventeen

(3) A phrase I made up: means Tatsuha has to take a big crap and piss...yeah U

(4) I don't think there really is a Child Depression Syndrome (CDS) but bare with me, people!

_Ok, tell me what you think:_

**Yuki and Tatsuha (as well as Shuichi) on the phone**

**Tatsuha's bad luck**

**Ryuichi's new (lowered) age! (heheh...made for Drama, isn't really like that n Gravitation, so...)**

**Tohma, Yuki, and Mika's reaction's to Tatsuha**

**What do you think is in Ryu-chan's diary? **

YOU REVIEWI UPDATE SOONER AND MAKE CHAPTERS LONGER


	4. Sayonara

**Going Under **

**MissesLadyLuck:** _sniffles_ hey guys...I've got some bad news...

**hikari-chan:** hey, it's not too bad...M...

**MissesLadyLuck:** my account..._sigh_...has to be deleted...I'm sorry X( And I can't save my stories on the computer cuz they'll be wiped out. My uncle and mom are going to put a disc on the comp that will erase EVERYTHING, it's so junked up with spam. And I need to delete my old yahoo e-mail...which I already did...XXU So...I can't even check for e-mails...I'm SO SORRY.

**hikari-chan:** HOWEVER, she will be back! SHE'S GOT A NEW E-MAIL!

**MissesLadyLuck:** yeah...but I'm so friggin depressed cuz I can't save my stories...BUT, YOU GUYS CAN CONTINUE EM IF YOU WANT! If anyone wants to volunteer, e-mail me at my new e-mail (which I can't sign up to with, cuz I did, but my sis wanted to use it so...) kay? it's on my profile...but it'll be deleted soon, so hurry!

**hikari-chan:** yepss...this is the end...FOR NOW _snorts_

**MissesLadyLuck:** oy...ahou...

**hikari-chan:** eh!

**MissesLadyLuck:** nothin...ahem...So, see ya guys!_** sayonara!**_


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